Andheri is endearing. Of course, it has got tough competition from Juhu but Andheri can stand on its own. Anyway, I’ll give you few tips for staying in Andheri. Also, mulch away and you’ll get to know why I adore Andheri.
- Where else would find a flat, shared by eight clueless souls, for a meagre 27k per month? That is after paying two months of salary to the gleeful broker tempting you to join the real estate business.
- Everyone you meet in Andheri is an assistant director, actor or singer. So every inch proclaims, ‘entertainment, entertainment, entertainment’. Not convinced? Try reading it again in the voice of Vidya Balan.
- Andheri with numerous studios and accessories to movie industry has flatowners/landlords routinely advertise, ‘people in media excuse’. Who wants creative people slouching on the couch all day long with never ending stories of struggles, betrayals and ….dreams?
- If you call someone at eleven in the morning, you’ve got an enemy for life. The day, my dear non- Andherite, starts at two in the noon and ends at two in the morning.
- The traffic jam in Andheri is the best. You can walk and overtake all vehicles. Take that, BMW.
- Should you follow the rules and cross at ‘clear green signals’, you’ll be saying hello to Sir. Yamraj. Keep your eyes open, look left and right. Hang on.
- The significance of lokhandwala market, a stone’s throw away from Andheri, can’t be understated. The market sells cheap shoes at exorbitant rates. If you succumb and buy one, you’ll set a trend walking soleless. Or, just carry fevikwick or chewing gum in the pocket.
- Where a promising filmmaker will say, ‘we take care of artist and writers’ only to pay twenty bucks at the end of the day. Not bad considering it cost just a hundred (× 2) for the short travel on rickshaw. Why not just walk in the sweltering heat?
- Or, when you ask for pay, the shadowy filmmaker will say, ‘Don’t show your attitude.’ Yeah, whatever.
- The last penny is used for the seventy five rupee ticket in the theatre that sells blown up cereal (popcorn) for hundred and fifty. Where the (hour and a half) neightbour will dissect and review every scene of the movie for free.
- Soon, you bite the bullet too, potently killing the friend who, after coming a long way from France or Tamil Nadu, just wants to see a movie in peace.
- Every other day is spent at the one and only Infinity mall just to while away the time. Conveniently, on the day you don’t turn up, the favourite author would visit the bookstore. Missed call?
- When someone in Andheri says ‘three minutes,’ it means three hours. Seriously!
Lastly, live somewhere else.